I’m a good-looking person. I hate saying it, I hate getting complimented for it, I hate knowing it. The way I see things, I got lucky with the genetic lottery, that’s all. For years I’ve refused to relish in my attractiveness, not because I’m shy, insecure or modest, but because I never placed much stock in aesthetics. I told myself it didn’t really matter, that it had no significant value or wasn’t necessary for success. I was wrong.

Life is strange when you’re attractive. You get perceived and treated differently. You get more smiles, more offers, more invites, extra courtesy. People want to know you and spend time with you. And While these may be considered wonderful, perhaps a blessing, it all comes with a large caveat: Fanciful presumption.

To avoid sounding like a whining malcontent, let’s be clear, I’m sincerely appreciative of my looks (I’ve capitalized professionally, i.e., modeling for FORD NY). However, being attractive introduces unique challenges that are a drag for those who are sapient, or driven by intellectualism. It’s true many beautiful people are dumb, shallow, and live superficial lives, worse, such people blatantly dominate social media and pop culture, but for the lesser percentile who aren’t “out to lunch,” life is particularly vexatious.

I rarely get hired for meaningful work. The reasons why are embarrassing, perhaps comical, on account they have nothing to do with my intelligence or skills. I’ve always drawn attention. There isn’t much I can do about my 6’3” athletic build, exotic look and personal style. People often presume I’m an actor, athlete, supermodel, performer or similar. It’s nearly inescapable. The confusion on their faces when they discover I’m mostly a writer is priceless. They seldomly believe it. But I’ve grown accustomed to the skepticism.

Navigating life under the assumption you’re somehow extraordinary is both amusing and frustrating. I earnestly had to ask myself if I wanted to spend anymore time and energy convincing the world I’m not what they presumed. But why bother with something I can’t actually change? At any rate, my appearance keeps me in a constant flux of “Catch-22.” If I allow people to stereotype me without contest, how can I aptly advance in life? Regardless, I find myself often working twice as hard than colleagues in most jobs; Not to be seen (Remember, I’m already getting attention) but wholly merited. Where did the idea that attractive people cannot work well or hard come from? When did it become ubiquitous law that attractive people are only interested in sitting pretty? I loathe it.

I’d trade in my friendlier “privileged” world for one where I’m not having my proficiency, commitment and sincerity unfairly questioned all the time.

The default expectation that I’m a lazy opportunist with an advantageous agenda rather than an intelligent, hardworking, honest individual is a societal prejudice I only share with other attractive astute folks. In a world that propagates “everyone ought to be their authentic selves,” it’s only bad irony. How did we arrive at a place where attractive people are intrinsically artificial? Statistically speaking, it’s largely a Westernized “norm”—another issue entirely. But in the United States, if you’re an above average-looking person, you’re conclusively destined to pursue fame and wealth by any means possible (e.g., Running an OnlyFans account, becoming a Social Media “Influencer,” a video podcaster, etc.). And if not, you’re a fool, “wasting your life away,” doomed to normalcy and conventional living…dare I say, a failure. It’s servile.

Nevertheless, for as long as I can remember, gay men and women have predominately hired me for work (“work” as in tasks that have me on display mostly). Many heterosexual men (particularly those with higher positions, power, and influence) abhor that I “steal” attention away from them, or eclipse their masculinity (likely anything that threatens their ego). Its become a boring loop having female after female admit they’ve intentionally rejected me because they “knew” I was a conceited asshole — only to discover — I was nowhere near as such. I can’t tell you how many times people genuinely believe I can get any woman or job I want when the opposite couldn’t be truer. I’m perpetually judged because of my appearance without ever saying a word or lifting a finger.

Like most people, I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am, but even harder at convincing the world I’m not innately special. alas, As I stumble through life, there’s no sympathy because…I’m attractive.

One of the more detrimental things beautiful people grapple with — as a result of fanciful presumption — is that we’re all somehow bulletproof, impervious to what ails humans. And, that no matter what, we’ll always find success, wealth, love, and fame because hey, we’re too good-looking not to! It’s outrageous, but likely why many attractive people have stopped trying to disprove pronounced assumptions and just go along with the stereotype — focusing instead on how to capitalize on their looks. I can’t blame them, no one cares to ice-skate uphill.

Every time an attractive person is met with hardship, everyone tells them the identical thing as if it’s the official scripted response: “You’re young, beautiful and talented. You have nothing to worry about!”
It’s maddening.

If I had a nickel for every time someone said this to me, I’d be a billionaire. That isn’t hyperbole. And I’m a guy! I can’t imagine how it is for beautiful women. Everyone is literally trying to fuck or marry them and devising the most elaborate plan to do so ever since they became a teenager. In fact, it's become a multi-million-dollar industry in it of itself: How to attract and sleep with beautiful women (A simple internet search yields about a half billion results!).

Respectfully, I cannot thoroughly write on what it’s like being an attractive female because it’s immensely different. Even so, it doesn’t take a keen eye to see how women are expected to look and act often (I.e., sexy, quiet, never vigorous). “You should smile more”, “You’d look so much more beautiful if you…”, or, “You’d be hot if you lost more weight” are so blasphemous and calamitous to women that if they could, they’d burn the world over in an instant hearing those unsolicited suggestions just once. Will this ever change? Harshly, no. Beauty stands as the most celebrated attribute in human history without question. From ancient sculptures, manuscripts, paintings and depicted mythologies to modern music, photography, films and novels; Beauty is universally worshiped and immortalized. I’m afraid we’re not evolving from this primitive arrest anytime soon.

All-in-all, I’m left wondering if I’ve been sabotaging my career by not using my attractiveness to some advantage. I cringe at the thought. My self-worth isn’t based on aesthetics (though I’m invariably critiqued by it). Then again, I was indoctrinated as a youngster that meritocracy is global, that I can earn my way forward through old fashioned hard work. This isn’t true at all. Not-to-mention, there’s also the “elephant in the room”: Many attractive people have found prosperity using their looks to advance in life. I sincerely believed working diligently, remaining committed, and quality of character were valued most. I was deluded.

They say, ‘beautiful people are a dime a dozen,’ yet beauty remains the most sought after and idolized facet in society. no wonder attractive people are both despised and worshiped.

To my distaste, the probability of “seducing” my way into some kind of success using my looks is actually high. If you ever wondered why there are incompetent — yet attractive — people in leadership roles, I’ll tell you. At this point, it’s no secret that leveraging one’s beauty has become a “hack,” some sort of “fast track” to achieving status or success in Western culture. Rarely do attractive people earn their positions in life (at least in the traditional “corporate ladder” sense). But the triggering part is that most beautiful people are ignorant to their physical privilege. They remain inept while projecting entitlement, posing unashamedly as accomplished. In the end, it’s all a house of cards; One that tumbles the moment things stop getting handed to them.

tactically, Beautiful people use three key elements to get ahead: Confidence, Charisma and Narcissism. they have nothing else to offer and must disguise this actuality.

Confidence, disastrously, has somehow become confused with competence, resulting in an epidemic of terrible business owners, bosses, managers and CEOs (Note that nepotism does play a role, but this is an addition to said point) that plague much of the working industries. Toss in the conceitedness attractive people typically carry, and you have a powerful combo likely viewed/accepted as “necessary leadership.” (Think Marrisa Mayer, Adam Neumann, Elizabeth Holmes, Billy McFarland, etc.)

It’s worth acknowledging here that there’s actually a “Facial Attractiveness Index” of CEOs from the S&P 500 companies based on their facial geometry. CEOs with a higher facial attractiveness were statistically found to be associated with better stock returns around their first days on the job and higher acquirer returns upon acquisition announcements than unattractive competitors. So, there’s a reason why attractive people are valued in positions of power and influence.

We need to stop rewarding unverified confident attractive people and hire strictly on real performance. Beautiful people skip ahead on this inadequate belief of themselves. they’ve learned to use their looks/sexuality for obtaining positions of power.

Charisma is often miscalculated as leadership experience. If someone looks good, acts cool, can draw laughs and smiles all around, they’re usually promoted over truly qualified people. Likely because it’s imperative for everyone to like their boss, right? The conflict here is that charismatic bosses are misconstrued as competent, so work frequently becomes an endless cycle of failing goals and deadlines because the person in charge is more concerned with his or her subordinates liking them and making everybody feel good. But if charismatic leaders are always managing to persuade their employees about how amazing they are, who’s firing them over failed performance?

Narcissism seems to be misinterpreted as empowerment, and it’s awful. Attractive people get pinned with being narcissistic more regularly, and for good reason. Yet, in the workplace, these people are cunningly able to tap into the narcissism of coworkers and bosses. More, disguise it as encouragement, motivation, and support. They know if they can make people feel good about themselves—rather than accomplish tasks and perform well—no one will notice how incapable they are. To boot, no one detects that such a person is only looking out for themselves. Sound like anyone you know?

Being attractive has its benefits…if you don’t care much about morality or ethics.

Come what may, I still find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to using my looks to advance my career. And you might be too if you’re attractive and perspicacious. These polarizing options of being either authentic and ill-fated, or, manipulative and successful, sorely lacks equilibrium and sustainability. Yes, I want to get ahead and achieve in life, but not at the cost of becoming superfluous and devious. Sadly, integrity, proficiency and humility aren’t rewarded, and are often overlooked and undervalued. Now, I must choose which hill to fight and die on.

Can there ever be some sort of middle ground? A hybrid of both sincerity and charisma, a blend of confidence and authenticity, a healthy mix of leadership and narcissism? Has it ever even been attempted? It’s territory I’m willing to explore. Life is rarely fair. But maybe…just maybe it can be just. After all, I’m too attractive not to find this kind of success.

Written Arrangements

The Fault of Being Attractive